McHappy memories of trips to the city

Last week a guy in Wisconsin gobbled down a Big Mac.

No biggie, Mac. We've all done it.

But this guy has done it 25,000 times. Yup. 25,000 Big Macs and counting.

Apparently he's skinny. In good shape. Cholesterol is low. Clean bill of health.

I'm not skinny. Round is my shape. Cholesterol numbers unavailable (my doctor had a stroke when he read them, so I've never seen the test results). And I eat vegetables. Even the gross ones. Honey, toss that skinless chicken breast in the garbage, we're dining at Mickey D's tonight.

And doctors went on the record at the time of the record-breaking burger saying they don't recommend this type of diet.

McDuh.

Honestly, I couldn't care less about this guy ingesting two Big Macs every day. That's what he does. And what does he get for it? The McDonald's in his hometown put up a sign under the Golden Arches that read, "Congrats Don Gorske 25000 Big Macs."

Wow.

Now that's something for committing your life to this multi-million dollar company to the point where your doctor draws blood out of your arm, and comes up with a vial of Special Sauce.

But it is what it is.

I'm not going to lie. I love Big Macs. Have no problem eating them cold for breakfast. In fact, I like to do that.

And this obsession with cold Big Macs began in elementary school in the late 1970s. In Arnprior and Renfrew, there were no McDonald's to be found. So, when you went on a school trip to Ottawa (as opposed to the only two school trips taken further into the Valley - the Bonnechere Caves and the ever-exciting Petawawa Forestry Station), you couldn't care less about visiting the museums. But a road trip to the city was exciting for one reason: there were McDonald's restaurants in the city.

So whenever I came home with a permission slip for a school trip to Ottawa, my brother was in my face waving a $20-bill ... wanting an armload of Big Macs. I was the only kid on the museum-bound bus with a full-size Igloo cooler. After all, a Big Mac didn't cost close to 5 bucks like it does today, so $20 went a long way.

And remember those funky old styrofoam containers from back in the day?

So when I came home with a wheelbarrow full of Big Macs, some obviously went into the fridge.

And under the shroud of darkness, I would sneak into the fridge and scarf down as many cold Big Macs as I could before brothers or sister woke up.

And the sad part was, when we were quizzed by the teacher the next day about the trip to the museum, I was lost.

Teacher: What did the native Canadians eat while on their long canoe voyages?

My answer: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions all on a sesame seed bun.

(That's easy for me to say ... check out this old 1970s commercial)