"I Am Ottawa Valley!"

Thanks to the success of the Vancouver Olympics - capped off with Sidney Crosby's gold-medal winning OT goal - Canadian pride has never been higher.
If William Shatner's cornball "I Am Canadian" rant at the closing ceremonies didn't kill that sense of pride, nothing will.
But Capt. Kirk's five minutes on stage inspired me to track down a little something I penned at the Arnprior Chronicle-Guide a decade ago - right at the time the original Molson "I Am Canadian" beer rant hit the airwaves.
To christen this blog that focuses squarely on life just west of the Nation's Capital, I humbly bring you: "I Am Ottawa Valley!"
Grab a cold pint and rant along with me.

I am intelligent, hard-working and open minded. And not just on weekends.
My address is a rural route, not a street number.
I know my neighbour's name, and have at least one of his power tools hidden in my garage.
I begin my alphabet with "A" and end my sentences that way too.
And it's pronounced "two-four," not "a case of beer."

I have no Rideau Canal in my hometown, but I do have White Lake.
I like politics, but the only party I'm loyal to is a keg party.
I have no Peace Tower, but I do have a tower of empties in my shed.
I call my mayor by his first name.
And I don't wonder how to flush after using an outhouse.

I can hear crickets from my porch.
I have a porch, not a verandah.
I don't complain of bug bites unless the blackfly is bigger than a grapefruit.
I own at least one Stompin' Tom 8-track and know every word to "Big Joe Mufferaw."
And it's pronounced "rasslin" not "wrestling."

I'm easy going, but have a temper during the playoffs.
I settle minor disputes in the parking lot, not in a courtroom.
I own a purple bug light and have a screen door.
I have learned the hard way that you shouldn't pee on an electric fence.
And it's a ball cap, not a "baseball hat."

I always hold a door open, and it's "ladies first."
Even at last call.
If the band doesn't have a fiddler, I want my money back.
I drink from the bottle and have opened at least one beer with my teeth.
And it's pronounced "ain't," not "aren't."

I volunteer without looking for a pat on the back.
I ask what I can do for my community, not what I have to do for recognition.
I sacrificed my body for my high school team.
I remember every victory and vividly remember every loss.
And deer hunting IS a sport.

The air in my village smells of freshly-cut grass, not exhaust fumes.
Traffic jams are caused by hay wagons, not by selfish drivers.
I am fiercely loyal to my hometown and the Valley - the only place to live.

I am Ottawa Valley.